|Speed Bump #1
||[Apr. 13th, 2010|10:57 am]
Okay, so maybe it's a good thing Alex & I did not "friend" each other on here....we've hit our first real issue. And - before I write anymore - YES, I have spoken directly to Alex about all of this at least on some level and just feel the need to write it out.
So I REALLY want him to come to my family vacation with me. I have made this clear to him since December. Since then, he has come up with 3-4 *different* excuses to not come. His current one is that he wants a full time job ASAP. And is nervous to request off with a new job/position. Now - while I CAN appreciate this - what better time to go on vacation (when he's graduated and is working part time)??!! His PTO should carry over no matter which branch of the library he goes to & no matter what promotion he gets. I think what it really comes down to is that he just doesn't *GET* it. I mean, he hasn't been on a family vacation since he was a little kid - and doesn't get along with a lot of his family (for valid reasons BTW). But regardless of that - knowing how important this is to me - AND hell, why not take a vacation??!! - WHY NOT GO??!! Honestly, I think he's chicken. I'm glad he cares what my family thinks, but not to the point that you just don't go. Here's the one comment he made during our most recent talk (Sunday evening) that DID get a nasty reaction out of me: "I've been to Pennsylvania, there's nothing new there to me". My response was: "my FAMILY is new to you". I followed that statement with: "Let me make something clear - IF we are still together next year, you ARE going!". Now his response was only "okay" but his eyes got really big - I think the message truly got across - finally.
The other thing was that when I brought up moving in together, he kinda stumbled across words & almost froze really. Now, he & I have been talking about this (sometimes joking, sometimes serious) for about 6 months. The 1st thing he said - which I expected - was that he wanted to get back on his feet after he graduates before moving out (my lease ends in May). But when I mentioned how LONG should I renew my lease for (7/9/13 months) he said he wanted to live by himself for a while before moving in with me. Now THAT surprised me - that was the 1st I had heard of that from him. I don't really care that he wants to live by himself for a while - I can understand that. But WHY bring that up only now & not before when we've talked about it?? When I addressed this with him (on Sunday), he told me that *I* looked relieved & that he thought I wanted to keep my own space - and he may have a valid point there. So much easier to renew than move. But I had to clarify something with him - I still WANT to move in together with him, but I was nervous to ask him about it. I don't know if that says something about our relationship, but moving in together IS a big step. Maybe it's a step NEITHER one of us is ready for. So I have to admit, that one is not entirely his fault.
**READERS DIGEST** (for those who don't have the time or just don't want to read all of the above): I have 2 concerns at this point.
(1)Is he starting to get "cold feet" so to speak - not with marriage but just of where this relationship is heading now? When I addressed this with him, he laughed at me & said that was definitely *not* the issue. So now the question becomes: Is he ignoring a problem OR am I making a big deal out of nothing???
(2) He is obviously NOT as big of a "family" person as I am. This is starting to become clear at this point. He doesn't have double standards at least - he's made comments about how he doesn't care if I *never* meet some of his family. But this could really grow into a major problem for me. Right now, it's just a single vacation. But IF we continue this relationship, he WILL be expected to go EVERY year! *ESPECIALLY* if we stay together long enough to get married or start a family. But again, is this him ignoring a problem OR me overthinking everything?!
The "truth" is probably somewhere in the middle - it usually is. I just need to hear input from 3rd parties...HELP!!!